Starting Over

What with all the changes going on in life right now, I feel like I'm being handed a blank slate, and I have the opportunity to do whatever I want with it. I am starting out at a new ground zero, in the best possible way.

I've spent the last 21 months (!!) since I've been home from Paris thinking about what I wanted to DO with my life--thinking about how to move forward, how to make my mark on the world. There is something in me that can't be content simply living my life without giving back and trying to make the world better.

I've gone back and forth between so many things--things that I really do love and have an interest in, but ultimately realized aren't the best fit for me:

1. Art History - working as a professor has its perks, I'm well aware. But I don't know that it would make me happy and excited to go to work every day. I think Art History is just a great hobby of mine, not a passion that will translate well into a job. I do still think it would be fun to do museum education, but I think I'll do it on a volunteer basis, rather than as a job. I was mistaking my wonderful sister Amy's passion for Art History as a deeper interest than I really had. Does that ever happen to you? Someone is so passionate about something, that just listening to them makes your heart beat faster, and makes the subject far more interesting to you than it might otherwise be? I feel that way when Amy talks about art. And silent films. :)
2. Literacy Education - I feel so strongly that education is crucial for every person--man, woman, boy, girl--regardless of their station, religion, access to technology, etc. Everyone should be taught to read and write, learn basic math skills, and learn a trade or attend university. However, ultimately, I don't think I want to be a teacher, and I don't think an administrative position would be very satisfying for me. It's too hands-off.
3. Fighting Human Trafficking - This is something that I have been thinking about for the last few months. It's something I feel really strongly about getting involved in--I think it's atrocious that there are people on the earth that still think it's okay to buy and sell other human beings for their own benefit. Again, working in this field means I would probably be in an administrative position behind a desk somewhere, which doesn't really appeal to me. I would rather be involved on a volunteer basis or donate money to an organization I believe in.
4. French Masters, PhD. I love French. I love France. I love francophone literature. But, like I mentioned above, I don't want to be a teacher. I don't really want to be a professor. I am satisfied to just love French and continue to develop my language skills. And go back to France as often as humanly possible.

I have always wanted to be an artist, and for years I thought about graphic design, but beyond knowing that graphic designers made "pretty things," my knowledge of the profession was pretty limited, and I didn't know that it was very possible to make a living as a designer. I thought being a graphic designer would be more along the lines of the "struggling artist," which I didn't think I could handle. Now, after having worked really closely with the graphic designers at my company for a few years, I have a much better understanding of the different kinds of projects graphic design involves, a little bit of the process, the back-and-forth with customer/company expectations, and the crazy hours that the designers often work leading up to a huge deadline. And also how much they make, which isn't the deciding factor, but a comforting reassurance that I wouldn't be destitute doing what I loved.

I think for a long time I did French because I loved it, and for a long time I kept doing it becauase I was good at it. Once I realized I didn't want to be a teacher, the career options seemed really limited.

But here's the realization I had a couple of weeks ago, when I sat down to think about what really makes me happy:

If I didn't have to worry for one second about my personal financial security, what would I want to do all day?

Paint. Draw. Create.

So that's what I'm going to do. I am going back to school to get a BFA in Art and Visual Communication, with an emphasis in Graphic Design (and a second emphasis in Fine Art - Painting, if they'll let me!). When I realized that creativity is what really makes me tick, everything fell into alignment for me: it felt way more authentic than Art History (for obvious reasons, mentioned above), it felt more marketable and more like something I would like to do for a living than French, and it's something I am geniunely interested in and want to develop skills in (and have wanted this for years, without daring to do it).

And here's the best part: I can do all of the things I mentioned above! I can continue to love and learn French, I can be involved in Literacy Education, I can help fight human trafficking, and I can support cultural and museum education/outreach, all through graphic design. I can have my cake and eat it, too, without changing my qualifications every time I turn around. Talk about the best of both worlds.

I got accepted to school on Friday, and I start in May.

I can't wait.

Visual Nocturne, Musical Nocturne

The last little while I've been really inspired by this painting by James McNeil Whistler.
It's called Nocturne in Black and Gold : The Falling Rocket.
It's an impressionist piece depicting fireworks and the resulting smoke lingering over the Thames.

Also, this website will create a reproduction in any size starting at about $150. Hello. If I had any money, this would be on my wall. ANd I would stare at it while listening to this:

Fake goals

Today I officially deleted my 101 Things in 1001 days page. I still want to do all of those things at some point, but I don't want to worry about achieving something that it ultimately insignificant just because I put it on a list and gave myself a random deadline.

I would rather make thoughtful and meaningful goals for myself and work consistently toward those achievements, rather than 'achieving' things that really don't matter (like making 10 kinds of cookies successfully. Who really cares if every time I make cookies they turn out gross? That's what pre-made dough is for.).

I feel like that's all I have to say on this particular subject. Goodbye, fake goals. See you on my bucket list.

Paved with Good Intentions

I'm going to ignore the fact that the beginning of the well known proverb states that it's the path to Hell that's paved with good intentions.

Instead, I choose to believe that the path to a happy future is paved (a.k.a. awkwardly cobbled together) with good intentions, half-starts, mistakes, and refining moments, which eventually become less and less messy and lead to calm, authenticity, and joy.

I dropped out of school. I love art history, but I don't want to DO art history. I know. You can mock me. I pick something I want to do and I am gung-ho for a while, and then change my mind.*

In other (very much related) news, I have come to a mutual decision with my boss that I'll only be at my current job until April sometime. I'm not happy here, and we both know it. He wants me to be happy (and so do I), and he needs someone in my position who is passionate about it (which I am not).

So, lots of things to think about in the coming weeks. Lots of prayer, trips to the temple, self-reflection, and a lot of facing my fears. The things I think I would love to do for a living are not really that stable (painting, designing jewelry). The only exception to that is graphic design, which I am currenly considering. It's creative, which I love, and it also gives me a skill that will allow me to work for companies and organizations that I really believe in (UNESCO, art museums, anti-trafficking organizations, literacy organizations, etc.), without changing my qualifications every time I turn around.

Here's to getting a second Bachelor's Degree. Oy. At least this one will be marketable. :)

Wish me luck!



*And I reserve the right to keep doing so until I've found my happy place.

Closet cleanout and repurposing

I've been cleaning out my closet lately, trying to get rid of the things that are unflattering, don't fit, or that I just don't like. That's partly what inspired the whole 30 for 30 thing.

On what seems like a totally unrelated note, I've been wanting to find some little cloth shoe bags that I could put shoes in when I travel so my shoes don't get my other clothes dirty.

So I'm going to beg friends and family with sewing machines to let me come over and use them for an afternoon, and I'm going to chop up my old clothes and turn them into my travel bags.

But I've got to do it soon. I'm so over 'someday' projects and having piles of stuff that 'I'm going to do something with' lying around gathering dust.

30 for 30

I recently started reading a fashion blog called Kendi Everyday, and she occasionally does what she calls a 30 for 30. Basically, you pick 30 items from your closet and you can only wear those 30 items over the next 30 days in whatever combinations you can come up with. Accessories and jewelry are not included in the 30 items (thank heavens) but shoes are.

And here's the kicker--what really makes me want to do it. The other 'rule' is that you can't shop for those 30 days. So as you're mixing and matching what you've got, you will get a sense of what needs you have in your closet, rather than just buying random things.

I've been thinking recently about how many items of clothing I have in my closet that 1) don't look good on me and 2) I don't wear that often. So I thought this would be a good exercise so I could get a feel for what basics I'm lacking and what items I would really like to add to my closet--just the selection of 30 items seems like it will be pretty revealing.

The 30 for 30 is supposed to start Feb 1 and go for 30 days. So... we'll see what happens.

(And can I just say again how grateful I am that jewelry is not included in the 30 items? If I could only wear jeans and a black or white t-shirt for 30 days I still think I could get 30 looks out of my jewelry alone. Does that mean I'm cheating already?)

(And does it mean I'm cheating if I have things I want to buy before the 30 days start?)

Goals for 2011

I'm still working on finalizing my goals for 2011, but here's the list as it stands now.

1. Start a business (any one of the 4 ideas I've got swimming around in my head).
2. Be in the best shape of my life.
3. Study for and take the GRE with satisfactory results (so... I'm thinking two to three rounds).
4. Narrow down the list of grad schools to 5 that I'll apply to for 2012 enrollment.
5. Complete my first 10K.
6. Complete my first triathlon.
7. Write in a journal daily.
8. Have personal prayer and scripture study every day (I've become very bad at this).

Lots of these coincide with my 101 things, which I'm still working on...

Happy New Year!

Research Proposal

For my research proposal, I decided to compare and contrast The Return of the Prodigal Son as depicted by three different artists: Rembrandt, Tissot, and Chagall. I'm going to talk about their religious backgrounds briefly so there is some personal context, and then I will address their artistic style and a few formal elements--most likely color, lighting, and perspective.

Fun, right? :) You probably don't think so, but I am actually really looking forward to seeing how the paper turns out. My rough draft is due tomorrow, so I'll be spending a few hours on it tonight and polishing it up over the next few weeks. The concept of a rough draft is weird for me--I usually just sit down and write it out in one sitting or two straight from beginning to end and then have a couple of people look over it. This will be a new adventure in disciplining myself to just getting the general ideas down and getting the structure and flow together without worrying about my exact word choice and whatnot from the get-go.

These are the paintings I'll be discussing:

Tissot's

Chagall's

Rembrandt's



Ooh, they just give me chills.

Time

An incredibly old clock at the Cluny (Museum of the Middle Ages) in Paris.

There's never enough time to do all the things I want to do...

I want to start a business. (Not just any business, mind you. I've got two or three specific ideas in mind. Jennifer Johnsen, I'm blaming you. You're the one who got the wheels turning on the first idea, and it has just progessed from there.)
I want to go to culinary school.
I want to learn silversmithing.
I want to go hiking.
I want to learn Arabic.
I want to learn German.
I want to learn Italian.
I want to keep making jewelry.
I want to paint more often than I do.
I want to have perfectly organized belongings and surroundings.
I want to make healthy meals with fresh ingredients.
I want to go to the farmer's market every Saturday morning.
I want to read more non-fiction.
I want to learn how to take care of my car without having to ask my dad to do stuff for me all the time.
I want to understand politics.
I want to tell people how much I love, admire, and appreciate them more often.
I want to learn how to can food.
I want to learn how to sew.
I want to learn how to throw things away that I don't actually need.

In addition to all of the things I have to do... which I will not list for you. (Think work, school, working out, sleeping, etc; i.e., all of the boring things in life [except school, which is fascinating and awesome])

Wanting to do a million different things + having a generally impatient personality = some serious ADD.

I'm trying to learn how to put projects on the shelf that can wait, and focus my time on the things that I can do simultaneously (like developing business plans slowly as I work my way through school for the second time).

L'embarass du choix. I'm telling you. At some point it's got to stop.

I'm not Dead

Hi friends!
I'm not dead, I promise... just busy.

Right now these are the things that are taking priority over blogging:

1. work
2. school
3. re-organizing, filtering through all of my stuff, and throwing away/donating a bunch of it. Too much stuff.
1. Mostly I'm doing this because I moved home and right now my stuff is hijacking half of my parents' living space. But it will be good to just clear out the junk.
4. my attempts to exercise more

So, at some point I will return. I think I'll try to post a bunch of new earring photos this weekend. I've almost finished all of the photographs (of ALL my earrings--yes I have officially finished the "wearing" stage of that project), so it's just a matter of getting them all posted.

Be back soon with some more updates, photos, and thoughts about my upcoming research papers...